Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
