Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
