Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
