I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
