Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
