Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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