just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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