sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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