Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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