You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Two words: nipple clamps
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