my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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