i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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