Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
