Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
