3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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