last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
