even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
