So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
