I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
