I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
