I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
