She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
