I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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