I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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