I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
