How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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