Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
