I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
