we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
