First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
