You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
