you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
