Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
