nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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