I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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