You tried to poop in the sink last night.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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