I cockslap morals
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
