he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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