I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
