it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
organizing the empties. That sober.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
