Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
