Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm always down for nudity.
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