having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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