I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Everything about him screamed your future.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
