puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
