after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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