the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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