why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
