if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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