There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
