never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
